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1934B W. 8th St.

Erie, PA. 16505

814.835.3430

Divorce and Family Therapy
How to navigate the divorce process and when to get help.

October 2, 2009

Separation and the divorce process is an enormously difficult and emotionally challenging time for parents and children.  There are a great many entry points for resentment, anger, and torn loyalties; and that is all before the legal process itself.  The legal process involved in divorce can be broken down into three tasks:

  1. Child/Spousal Support
  2. Separation of Assets
  3. Custody
For the purposes of this article, we are interested in Custody primarily, but will discuss support as it affects custody.  Before going any further, the goal of this article is help you better understand the process and the position that ErieKIDS has taken on subject, especially in our advocacy goals in Erie County, Pennsylvania. Please note, although ErieKIDS does not provide direct services to parents and children, it is our expectation that the independent family therapists that support our mission agree with these philosophies.

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  1.  TIMING
Often, parents will call family therapists just before or just after announcing to the children that they are separating or divorcing.  Making this initial contact is a very good idea.  In Pennsylvania, you may seek family counseling independently as long as there is no order blocking you from doing so and you make your spouse/co-parent aware of your decision. At ErieKIDS, we believe that awareness is crucial to success.

The first reason for calling a family therapist will likely be that you feel the children need help adjusting or will need help adjusting to the divorce.  The Family therapist should make themselves available to help you determine the level of adjustment and need.  Sometimes a single appointment can "rule out" the need for further assistance. 

Another reason for calling prior to any formal proceedings, is because you may feel that you and your spouse do not get along or aren't co-parenting well.  You may solicit the assistance of a family therapist to help you navigate the separation and co-parenting of the children better.

There are other reasons for calling a family therapist, but the most important goal at this point is determining the level of investment by both of the parents of the children.  If conflict is high, but both parents are not on board with family counseling, you may still invest in counseling but there a times when it is better to wait.  Here are some things to consider:
  1. If you and your spouse are in a high conflict divorce, there is no plan to utilize custody conciliation and you BOTH are in agreement to counseling, then it is a good idea to proceed with contacting a family counselor immediately.
  2. If you and your spouse are in a high conflict divorce, there is no plan to utilize custody conciliation, but you are NOT in agreement to counseling, it is ok to contact a family counselor and enlist their support to help encourage your spouse to agree to counseling voluntarily.
  3. If you and your spouse are in a high conflict divorce, and there is a plan to utilize custody conciliation but you both agree to family counseling anyway, then it is a good idea to proceed with contacting a family counselor that you both can agree to.
  4. CRITICAL - If you and your spouse are in a high conflict divorce, and there is a plan to utilize custody conciliation but you both DO NOT agree to family counseling, it is best to wait until your custody concilliation meeting before initiating services with a family counselor.
The reason that #4 is so critical is that if you retain counseling services for yourself and children, but your spouse does not attend, does not agree or your counselor fails to invite them, you may find your spouse petitioning the court to have that counselor removed from the case because they may be seen as "biased".  Your spouse may ask the court to appoint a new counselor,which means starting all over.

It is ok to contact a counselor to discuss their willingness to take your case, but it is still better to wait until your meeting with custody conciliation before having any contact beyond the phone call.  If you don't have a conciliation meeting schedule or don't predict you'll have one soon (under 6 weeks), then it may be ok to proceed keeping the following protocol in mind.

2. PROTOCOL

This protocol is what our president has followed in his practice with families as a result of the training he received in providing custody evaluations. Although this protocol is based on doing custody evaluations, we agree that the logic is sound and endorse it as an ethical approach to working with high conflict divorcing families.

The four scenarios above have two basic variations:
  1. Parents who agree to counseling
  2. Parents who do not agree to counseling
Parents who agree to counseling may enter into a contract with a family therapist at any time during their divorcing process.  These parents, if willing to follow the protocol, are likely to do very well in counseling and as a result, their children have a higher likelihood of being preserved from the trauma of divorce.

Parents, who have one member unwilling to participate, pose a greater threat to the children and are often the best candidates for counseling.  However, as a result of having an unwilling partner, beginning with both partners is essential.  Here is the protocol that we recommend:
  1. One or both parents should contact the family therapist
  2. The family therapist should take only basic information over the phone.  Any long conversation or broad history investigation can be construed as a reason for clinical bias.
  3. The family therapist should take the phone number of the other parent from the parent who is calling.
  4. The family therapist should make contact with the other parent to discuss their willingness to attend counseling.
  5. If the other parent is UNWILLING to participate in counseling with or without their spouse, the family therapist should seek to gain their voluntary permission and release to provide counseling services to the children from the parent.
  6. If the parent refuses to give that permission, the family therapist should alert the parent seeking counseling of the refusal.
  7. CRITICAL - Even though as a parent you have the right to proceed without your spouse's consent, it is our opinion that having your attorney contact your spouse or petitioning the court/custody conciliation to allow counseling to proceed is the best alternative.  Proceeding without consent of your spouse can result in the removal of the counselor in the future.
  8. If the parent agrees to family counseling, it is our position that BOTH parents should attend the very first appointment without the children present.  We do not endorse or recommend separate visits with the parents unless there is a safety issue or Protection from Abuse (PFA) order in place.  We expect that parents will begin to collaborate from the beginning and that family therapists should not place themselves in a compromising position where bias can be inferred from their choice to meet separately.
  9. If the parent refuses to attend, and they have been made aware of the proceedings in counseling by the court or an attorney it is appropriate to proceed.
3. REPORTS TO THE COURT
Often parents will want their family therapist to either appear in court on behalf of their children, write a report documenting their findings and/or evaluate their children and the custody arrangement. The ability to meet any of these requests is based on a number of conditions and credentials.  Here are some issues that would complicate your request:
  1. Family Therapists who do not see both parents FROM THE BEGINNING or at all should be very cautious in rendering any report or opinion.  Not having both parents involved significantly compromises the integrity of their report and opinion and can be construed as biased and unethical.  If both parents are involved and give written informed consent, the family therapist MAY CHOOSE to write a fact-based report.  However, it is unadvisable to make any recommendations regarding custody as such recommendations are beyond the scope of family counseling.
  2. Family Therapists who render decisions about custody arrangements without following American Psychological Association endorsed protocols risk impacting the rights of the parents involved and risk malpractice.  Custody evaluations should be performed by Licensed Psychologists who have the credentials to test and who have been trained in performing such evaluations.
  3. Family Therapists may be able to appear in court as an expert witness in the case. However, like #1 above, the therapist should be careful to reflect on the scope of their role when appearing, taking the stand and answering questions.
In effect, the family therapist's role is not to help structure custody.  Psychologists, after a great deal of investigation and deliberation may be able to assist you with that.  A family therapist's role is to help families heal and function better, not to pass judgment on functioning or make legal recommendations about it.

4.  FEES AND INSURANCE
 Divorce is not only emotionally costly; often it places a financial burden on the family.  Those fortunate enough to have private insurance will find that family counseling is a reimbursable service paid in part or whole by their insurance. There are however, some stipulations that must be met in order to utilize your private insurance for family counseling.
  1. Insurance companies reimburse for services provided to a single person.  This concept is based on the medical model.  An example would be this;  If your son breaks his leg, you may accompany him to the emergency room but he is still the patient with the broken leg.  In counseling, one person must be assessed and determined to have a mental health diagnosis.  That diagnosis must meet the requirements as a reimbursable mental disorder.  If the patient meets the diagnostic criteria, then it is likely that your insurance will pay for the service. We find this to be true and acceptable for children.
  2. There are a number of relationship problems that are considered "V codes"(V61.1 Partner Relational Problem, V61.20 Parent-Child Relational Problem,V62.81 Relational Problems). Although these V codes exist in the same diagnostic manual as the diagnoses that are reimbursable by insurance companies, these codes are not.  These are the codes that most often best depict divorced or separated parents, or other divorce related problems.  As a result, your insurance company will not reimburse services billed under these codes.
  3. One parent may meet the diagnostic criteria for a mental disorder. As such they would be eligible to use their insurance to obtain counseling that would be targeted to treat that disorder.  However, even though a parent meets the criteria for a mental disorder, if the treatment is not specifically targeting that disorder, but instead is targeting issues involved with the divorce, billing for that service may be construed as a fraudulent practice.
As such, it is our belief that the following are the most common scenarios for payment of fees:
  1. Children struggling with the divorce of their parents may exhibit signs of depression, anxiety or aggression. These symptoms often meet the criteria for diagnoses that are reimbursable by insurance companies. If so, all family members may participate in the counseling process if deemed appropriate and in line with best practices.
  2. Parents who need to learn to skill of better communication may meet the criteria for the "V codes" mentioned above. These diagnoses are not reimbursable by insurance companies. As such, you will likely have the responsibility for paying for counseling "out of pocket".

We hope that this article helps to clarify this difficult process.  At ErieKIDS we are concerned about you and your children. We are also acutely aware of the financial burdens involved in divorce. We are happy to assist you in finding affordable services and navigating this process with the fewest hurdles.